Week 42 of MS symptoms- Enough is enough!

I made a decision to stop the medication I was on for my MS. Ever since I have been on it I have not felt like myself. Add that too some persona stress I have had and the return of my optic neuritis and being on steroids, I was pretty much a mess. I am not coming off it forever but I think my body and mind needs a total reset. I am coming off the meds, going back to my previous eating and exercise routine and back to therapy. The medication was to prolong my remission times and since I haven’t gone into remission yet I really don’t think I am hurting anything. A month without the side effects would be like a vacation and I think I need that right now. It is so hard not to feel right in your own skin. I have done and said unforgivable things and not realized I have done it. I haven’t really slept well in seven weeks and Jenn on no sleep is not a good thing. I am not a pill person and I take eleven a day I feel like Alice in Wonderland “this one makes you an asshole and this one makes you feel like you are falling down that rabbit hole.” And none of them are working. So I will reset, renew and re-vibe. And with any luck this will put me in remission and I can restart the medication.

Week 40-Finding your light

I posted this to Facebook a year ago: “It was a year ago this week, March 11th to be exact that my life changed forever. I woke up like any other day. I made my coffee, I walked the dogs, I fed the kids then got ready for work. I went to the office and did my walk through and said good morning to everyone on the plant floor. I made my way to everyone and said good morning, my last good morning was to Karen who was inspecting. She said good morning then she paused and looked at me. I asked if she was okay. She said she was but she didn’t think I was. “Jennifer your light is gone. For the past year and a half I have watched you walk around and say good morning every day. You always smile and you are always kind but every day there is less and less joy in your face and that little light inside you grew more and more dim. I never wanted to say anything before but I have to tell you now your light is gone. I think you should talk to someone.” I stood for a moment choking back tears then nodded. I went into the office and I picked up a phone and I called the 1 800 number for our EAP without even a hesitation, the woman on the other end asked how she could help me today and I broke down after I told her what Karen had said to me. This woman who knew me a year and half had observed something I knew deep down to be true, something that no one else could tell me in fear of making me angry or hurting me. This woman that I respected for her ability to make observations and her shared wisdom had given me the push I needed. That day started a year of healing. I faced things I didn’t want to face. I did things I didn’t want to do but I knew it was the only way to get where I needed to be. The me that was 235 pounds, angry and sad was not the me I once was. This was not my future it was a prison of my unhappiness, the unhappiness I chose to live in. But I started the journey away from that place that day. In the year that followed I lost 77 pounds, but what I gained was more valuable. I gained respect for myself. I learned that to be able to take care of others you have to care for yourself. I learned that joy comes from the simplest of things, a smile, a laugh, a hug at just the right moment. I learned that bad things happen and instead of letting them consume you and make you unhappy, you take them as a life lesson.” In the year that followed this I am down 95 pounds which is wonderful. I was diagnosed with MS which isn’t wonderful but the lessons I learned in choosing how I handled situations has helped me to overcome so much. I found my light again by finding myself and surrounding myself with good people and good things.