Week 20 of MS Symptoms-Piece of Pie

Week 20. The last time I had to comment about week 20 I was pregnant and I was at the halfway mark. But this 20 weeks is different. The doctor and I talked about things to do naturally to help with my symptoms. My exercise helps. I find the weeks I don’t have my regular routine the next week is worse. The past few weeks I have been off so it is no surprise to me that I am having issues. Diet of course is the other. I eat pretty well but I am reading on recommended diets and supplements that people have had success with. One scared me to death because I would have to give up bread and cheese and that just isn’t right. And it brings me to the third thing we discussed, cutting down on stress. The lack of cheese would stress me out a little I think. But all joking aside this disease is stressful and it comes with stresses. You have to worry about symptoms, you worry about burdening your family and you worry about the financial aspects of the disease, MS is expensive. Health care alone is costly add in making your home MS friendly and if you have to go on disability you take a cut in pay. That part stresses me out. There are days I just can’t do my job. I have stairs to worry about, typing can be difficult, concentrating and speaking. When the tremors get bad I can’t drive. But disability won’t pay the bills. I try not to think about it but if things don’t start to go in another direction it may be my only option. Those are just stresses related to the disease. Add in being divorce just under a year ago and all that goes with that. I need to be there for my kids and I don’t want anything to get in the way of that. But there are obstacles and I didn’t expect those. It is heart breaking that any of us have to deal with them but we do. The past week has been difficult and I hope that we can all get through this. But there are things that I may need to deal with that I wasn’t expecting and that scares me and it causes me stress. Because I have to make sure the kids don’t see I am stressed. I did my kick boxing last night trying to take out my angst on my imaginary component. I felt better, having the kiddos with me laughing at me while I was working out helped as well. Laughter is good medicine. And I am trying not to focus on the stressors and focus on the good medicine, laughter and pie. But stress happens. If I look stressed make me laugh, give me pie.

Week 18 on deck - Living with MS

I sat looking at my calendar and counted out how days turned into weeks turned into months. Thursday starts week 18 of MS symptoms that is four months. Four months of no control of my body in the middle of six really bad weeks. But I remain determined to get through this and I won’t let it beat me down. But I am tired and now I have new concerns and will see the doctor Thursday. I am trying not to dwell on the what ifs but there is a part of me that is just really tired. That part has woken up in the middle of the night crying a few times lately. I try to keep that part of me quiet but as this continues its voice gets louder and louder. I know it doesn’t make me weak, I have no problem with people knowing how I feel about this, I just don’t want this part of me to take me over. I found myself canceling plans I made because it was a bad day. I didn’t want people to see me and what was happening. I wound up alone listening to that voice and that was not a good place to be. But I am over that part I need to continue to live and if people can’t handle my slurred speech or uneven gate that is on them not me. These things don’t change who I am but giving into them does. I have to remind myself of this every day. And I have to remind myself to slow down. I am working so hard at being normal I forget that I have a medical condition that requires attention and rest. I had wanted to take more on at work and this past I realized given the uncertainty of my situation that wasn’t really feasible. I need to keep my life simple where I can. I shouldn’t be trying to be everything to everybody to prove a point. My life is good. I have a job, I have a nice place to live I have good family and friends. I have a successful craft business that I am lucky enough to still be able to do. So I don’t really need to be Wonder Woman though it would be cool. But I am happy with my life I just going through a little rough patch and I will get past this because of all that I have going for me. Whatever happens later this week with the doctor I will face with the same attitude I have now. You can’t control what happens only how you react to it. You deal with it you move on.