Taking back my pants!

Life has a funny way of smacking you in the face with a healthy dose of reality every once and a while. It likes to remind you that you are indeed human and shouldn’t be cocky and self assured all the time. That is what happened to me. A year ago I was celebrating a thirty pound weight loss and a change in lifestyle I was happy with, then life happened and I am pretty starting over again!

I gained half that weight back since March. With the Super Bowl at the beginning of the year, our president leaving, health issues and changes at home (good changes but different) I was in a tailspin of self destruction I didn’t even realize I was in. Well it’s time to gain control again.

I know where it all started going south, it was losing my daily routine. For a year I went to the gym every day even if it were only for thirty minutes. Going broke up my work day and when I came back I was energized and focused. I also slept better at night which lately hasn’t been easy, oh Sleep Number how I loathe thee!

Then work started to get crazy and with the old president leaving and transitioning a new president finding that lunch hour gym trip became harder and harder. And then my pants started getting tighter and tighter. I became unhappier, not as energized as and more bitchy than usual, not sure this is really possible but we will go with it! And health issues I hadn’t dealt with returned with a vengeance which also makes me irritable and really dislike my body!

Well things have settled in the office and there are no more excuses for me getting back on track. So starting today back at the gym! I will make one with the treadmill and catch up with Maury. I will track my eating again which is never fun but it needs to be done. I really need to be more mindful of my food allergies and stop ignoring them! I will stop the weeknight cocktails and writing that made me cry a little but it’s all good, it’s for a good cause.  

Other goals, work on starting to run again so I can run some 5K’s in 2013 and train for a half marathon in 2014. I also want to start riding my bike and maybe do a few longer rides.

Yes a lofty set of goals but all doable, I was almost there in some cases a few months ago. So here is to taking back my pants guys!

My kids the food snobs

I am heating up my soup when one of the floor mates asks me how my weekend was and if I had done anything fun. I told her that the family went to Dig In Indiana on Sunday. She looked at me as if I slapped her in the face while I was driving over her children in a tank.

Her “Why would you waste your money ,kids don’t eat that way.”

Me “Mine do, they like to try new things.”

Her “You are one of those people that turn their kids into food snobs where normal food isn’t good enough for them.” She said eating her Ramen out of the Styrofoam container, because that is normal food for a 30+ woman!

So what is normal food for a kid? Was she referring to the typical peanut butter and jelly, macaroni and cheese and chicken nugget diet that most of us feed our kids regularly because we don’t think they will like anything else?

We give kids too little credit when it comes to food. I myself have done that with my children. We think they won’t eat certain things so we don’t even bother to see if they will try them. Then they are out somewhere and they try it and they like it and we are shocked.

I had a conversation with my gym buddy who couldn’t believe all the things the kids tried at Dig In and also ate in general. Her son is young and she wants him to be a well rounded eater like my little food snobs. So she asked for a few tips. Every child is different but this is what I shared:

The first step to getting a kid to expand past the typical kid safe meals is exposure. The more you let your kids explore food options the more likely they are to try new things. They may not like them but at least they gave it a try. I took my kids to the market and told them to pick out something they had never had before. Kailey brought us asparagus so we tried it as a family that night. We don’t eat it every night but we have had it a few times since then, a small victory for mom!

The second thing that I found helpful was involving the kids in meal planning and preparation. When a child has a say and a part in meals they will also try new things. They girls said they wanted to try ratatouille. So we made it together. It wasn’t our favorite thing but there were elements that they liked. They liked the squash so we took some of that the next night and coated it with cornmeal then pan fried it, they all liked it.

On that same note find certain food types that kids like and play off that. If you have pasta eater try new things with pasta each week. In our house it was spaghetti or lasagna every other week. Then we tried a few different dishes and the family loved them! One was as simple as tossing some cheese tortellini with a jar of sundried tomatoes. Takes less than 15 minutes to prepare and costs less than $6 for the meal and the family loves it.

Next don’t give up. Just because kids don’t like something the first time they try it doesn’t mean they won’t love it the next time. Kids’ tastes come and go just like ours do, even their favorite meals may not appeal to them all the time.

And finally don’t over whelm them with too many new things at once. Easing new things into kids diets work much better then stating “We are never going through the drive through again so eat these beats and bean sprouts”. Nothing will start rebellion quicker than too many changes at once.

Am I am expert? Hell no, I am still learning as I go. And I am using my kids to help me learn, some days I listen better than others. I just can’t get over that one kid not liking broccoli, how can she not like broccoli? But for the most part I am listening!

And for the big question: Are my kids food snobs? No, they like those kid staples just like the other kids but they happen to like to try new things too. But I will never feed them Ramen from a Styrofoam cup!

When the former co-worker calls

So there you are eating your lunch catching up on emails that came through while you were watching Maury on the elliptical at the gym when the phone rings. You answer and the voice on the other end makes you drop your fork in your lap, your eyes widen and you mouth the words “Oh Shit, not again”.

No it isn’t a call from your kids’ school, it’s your former co-worker. You know the one you tried to get along with because you liked her as a person but the work her was Satan’s mistress so you cut all ties, yeah her. She called to tell you she had a new job and needed your help. You, trying to forgive every shitty thing she did to you, decide in a weak moment to help her. So you put your lunch aside and look up the information she asked for. She thanks you in her overly sticky sweet fashion and you think she is going to say good bye so you can go back to your now cold lunch when this comes out of her mouth:

“So are you still doing less then what I did when I had you job?”

A cold chill washes over you, you feel your face pinch like you just ate a bug and murdery thoughts fill you mind.

Yep that was me, when SHE called.

For ten years I have dealt with HER. SHE had my job many many years ago when position was just the Office Manager/Receptionist. When I started SHE was part time and SHE had no trouble telling me every day she worked that I didn’t do as much as SHE did when she had that job. Since SHE had been there longer then me I didn’t think I had the right to tell HER that SHE was right, I didn’t do as much as she did, I did twice of what SHE did because she couldn’t multi-task.

SHE left our company and for a short time I was able to live without HER evil gloom over my head and then it happened, they hired her back in a position that I had to work with everyday!  To make it worse we were each other’s backups. So every day I had to hear how I didn’t do her job or my job correctly.

Why do you ask did I take her crap? Because I didn’t feel arguing with a person with such a skewed sense of reality would help matters. If you argued with her things just got worse. Yes I miserable but I knew that one day I would be free of her and all this would be placed in that “things that made me stronger or could be used in my insanity defense” file buried deep in my brain. Besides I was able to do my job and I knew I did well even if SHE didn’t think so.

Well then the day came when she had herself one heck of a breakdown. I did feel bad for her because she could be very nice and caring when she wasn’t back stabbing you, throwing salt in the wound then covering it with an acid coated band-aid. I tried to be supportive but she was beyond that point and finally quit a month after another co-worker quit and there I was doing my job, the other co-worker’s job and HER job.

That was three years ago. No replacement for any of those folks had been hired. I have a one day a week assistant but I still do all three jobs. At times it is maddening and I have had a few breakdowns of my own but I manage because I like what I do. I like not having a person telling me I am not doing it right just people who help me make what I do better. As crazy as it sounds, it made the first seven years worth it because I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to do. And not even a phone call from the sharp tongued poison spitting HER can change that.

If you were wondering what my response was to HER question:  

“Hey thanks for letting me help you with what you needed and ending it on such a high note. With all the work I have to do now, I won’t have time to help you if you call again. Nice talking to you.”  

The Bucket List

Before the BIG birthday this year I played around with writing down my bucket list. We all know the road to hell is paved in good intentions, so that along with one hundred other things I said I would do never happened.

First of all, this morning, I really did choke on a burrito. And as pathetic as it sounds it was one of the most terrifying things that has happened to me in a long time. I watched the world spin around me as twelve people stood watching. I think my anger is what saved me. I thought I had to get this piece of egg out of my throat so I can yell at these stupid people for letting someone nearly choke to death. So I threw myself over a chair back and screamed a few profanities before rushing out the door and crying in my car.

Now I have no choice to make a bucket list because I am getting older and I love breakfast burritos eventually age or the burritos will get me! I won’t bore anyone with the entire list just a few highlights.

Get a book published and enjoyed by many. Yes I am working on getting a book published but that doesn’t mean that people will like it!

Write for a sitcom. I like to write. I have crazy ass family and friends to draw material from. Why am I not doing this now? Probably because I am not as humorous as I sometimes think I am. BUT that won’t stop me!

Do a triathlon. I heard once you put that in writing you actually have to do it. I should probably get better at the swimming thing then! I am used to being in a pool on a float with an adult beverage in hand yelling at the kids not to splash me. Been a long time since I swam with the Navy divers! And there is that running thing! And I haven’t ridden a bike in fifteen years. But damn it I am going to do this!

Kick my son in the diaphragm.  Yes you read that right. When I was nine months pregnant with the little man he kicked me so hard that it actually tore my muscle and flesh causing a mild hernia, I still have a scar! I swore the day he was born that when his wife was about to give birth to his child, I’d kick him. I am sure this one will be taken off my list eventually for legal reasons.

Get the 1990 cast of Grease back together. I think it would kick ass to do the show again or have a great party since the 25^th anniversary of our production is less than three years away.

Lay naked across Ryan Reynolds star on the Hollywood walk of fame. Mr. Reynolds doesn’t currently have a star on the walk. If they gave them out for his ass or abs he would have had one after Blade Trinity. I am not unaware that his acting abilities are limited, I love him for his sarcasm and the physical attributes I mentioned. If he doesn’t ever get a star, I will find Ryan Gosling and tell him the Notebook sucked. Because that is on my list twice to do anyway.

The list goes on and on! I better get started!  

How Jen Got Married

So there you are in a $5000 wedding gown which took six months to pick out and a another six months to fit into walking down the aisle with your sweaty handed father. While you are hoping you don’t fall down and embarrass yourself in front of your 250 guests in whom you only actually know 40 people, your father is hoping that this one day doesn’t cost him his retirement fund. Damn it he just wanted to golf and drink mojitos in Miami not pay for a wedding planner called “Shine” who loves taffeta and glitter!

At the end you see your fiancé who looks more than uncomfortable in his rented tuxedo while his groomsmen are completely hung over from the bachelor party the night before. You were just informed that there may or may not be a new tattoo somewhere on you fiancé and part of your wedding gift is to find it. If it weren’t for the fact that your bridesmaids would look stupid in their overly pink gowns walking up the aisle alone, you would kill the groomsmen.

You say your “I dos” and everyone eats rubber chicken while the groomsmen drink out the bar and your maid of honor cries about always being a bridesmaid and she’ll be in the sequel of “16 Dresses” only her co-star will be Zach Galifianakis, not James Marsden. Come on who doesn’t love Zach?

Your dream day the one you spent your entire adolescence planning in your little binder with your magazine pictures and color swatches. When it is all said and done you spent $35,000 for four hours for a piece of paper and twenty toasters. Sixteen years later will you remember all the details that went into that day?

I never had this dream. I never wanted to a big wedding. Maybe because in my family not one single wedding I had gone to had a marriage that lasted more than a few years. Or may it was because I lived vicariously through Princess Di when she married Prince Charles and that was enough of a party for me who knows.

My dream wedding was honestly just finding the one guy I could wake up every day with and get a piece of paper that said we were hitched then have a nice little party with people I actually knew and liked.

So the Navy kind of changed my plans slightly. I never expected to meet my husband while serving my country. We both managed to get orders to Sicily, Italy , I left in March, he would get there in November, where we had planned to have a simple wedding on a little island near Greece, it was like Vegas in the Med. Well Uncle Sam pulled hubs orders just after I arrived in Sicily. Did I mention I was pregnant? Yep, we had decided we wanted to have a baby with our family’s blessing. So I was pregnant and hubs wasn’t going to be stationed with me unless we got married.

We looked at ways that we could get married before the baby was due in November, 1996. My window of opportunity was closing that I would still be able to travel. Hubs sent me some paperwork for a wedding license and it was assumed I would fly home for a quick four day state side jaunt.

There I was Saturday, June 15^th just coming back to the barracks from my “Mommy and Me” work out when I was told by my supervisor I had a phone call:

Hubs “Hey J you ready to get married?”

Me: “What?”

Hubs “Yeah, this judge said we could get married by proxy today on the phone. I talked to our command you your supervisor said he would be your witness.”

HOLY SHIT I AM GETTING MARRIED – Me in my head

Me: “Well okay.”

Ten minutes later I was Mrs. Hunter Nickels. The judge said he had never done a wedding over the phone before; pretty sure it mostly happens in prison situations but I wasn’t about to mention that! But I was married! And it didn’t take a $5000 Vera Wang (I wore a No Fear T-shirt and gym shorts) to get me there. Our wedding costs included a long distance phone call and the wedding license. And a box of tissues that my supervisor went through because he was so happy he was my witness; he was the best maid of honor any girl could ask for. He even straightened my sweaty workout clothes as if my fiancé could see me over the phone!

And these crazy Navy people who I worked with? They decorated my barracks room as the “honeymoon suite”. There were gifts, cards, cake and champagne. They were all waiting next door until I came back and joined me for a lovely evening. Hubs spent the evening with his family and called me the next day. Not your typical honeymoon but what about this day was typical?

So next Friday, I celebrate sixteen years of marriage. I do remember every detail of the day I was married like it was yesterday. So you can keep your fancy dresses, wedding pictures, and gift registries. I will keep the long distance phone call that changed my life in my heart for the rest of my days.

My daughters interview me

The girls decided that they wanted to write this week’s blog and it should be an interview, I am their subject. Please forgive the insanity.

Kai: Oh hey hi this is Kai Bug, I am nine and me and my sister Choo are going to interview our mom, Jennifer, who goes my JJ or mom or Jen, but never Jenny unless you are her direct family or she likes you. She is pretty picky about liking people.

Choo: Are you going to talk the whole time?

Kai: No but it was my idea! Okay. So mom you just had your birthday do you feel old?

Me: Not right now I have coffee.

Choo: Do you think you drink more coffee or alcohol.

Kai: Choo that isn’t an appropriate interview question.

Choo: It’s a good question. She should answer it.

Me: I guess it depends.

Choo: Who is better Justin Beiber or Nick Jonas.

Me: Nick Jonas only because I don’t like JB.

Kai: I thought we took that question out.

Choo: No we said we would take the clown question out.

Kai: I am putting it back in. Mom why do you hate clowns?

Me: They are evil.

Kai: What did they ever do to you?

Me: They exist and they shouldn’t.

Kai: So what are your thoughts on mimes then? Who doesn’t like a mime?

Me: Normal people don’t like mimes.

Choo: I have to agree with mom. Why would you pretend to be in a box?

Kai: Imagination Choo!

Choo: I can think of better ways to spend my time. Mom what did you want to be when you grew up?

Me: A writer.

Choo: You kind of write but you are no Dr. Suess.

Me: Nope I am not. He rhymes much better.

Choo: You make better grocery lists.

Me: Thanks

Choo: If you could be any animal what would you be?

Me: A Sea Gull. I’d like to hang out on the beach all day.

Kai: I think you just want to poop on people.

Choo: I think so too. I would.

Me: I wouldn’t poop on people, maybe their cars.

Kai: Are you really in love with Ryan Reynolds?

Me: I do love to look at him.

Kai: Ew he’s younger then you!

Choo: Everyone is younger than her now.

Me: Thanks you two. And he isn’t that much younger than me.

Kai: But he is still younger. What is your best memory?

Me: I have a lot of them. I would say when we are all laughing together at the dinner table.

Choo: Like when we talked about the Albanian foot worm?

Me: I don’t recall laughing about the foot worms.

Kai: It was a good conversation.

Me: It was not appropriate for the table.

Kai: Are we ever going to go to Disney?

Me: Is that an interview question?

Kai: Just want to know.

Me: Ask your father.

Kai: Can I have a rat?

Me: I think this interview is over.

Kai: In closing. My mom drinks too much coffee, hates clowns and Justin Beiber, wants to be a bird who write and won’t buy me a rat. Thank you.

Choo: You forgot to put Ryan Reynolds in there.

Kai: She is too old for him and she’s married.

Choo: Yeah dad might not like that.

The End

My tale of the cart boy, an Ode to Ray

I made a wager with my friend Ray to write a diddy about “What Ray doesn’t know about women”. The truth is Ray knows quite a great deal about women and is a prince among his sex. The irony was the day this wager was made I had a run in with a cart boy that made me realize some men really don’t know a damn thing about women at all.

There I was at Meijers picking up some items needed for the evening. I pushed my cart to my car and began to load my items into the trunk when I felt someone beside me. He was a young man maybe early 20’s based on the bar stamps on his hands with Justin Bieber hair, acne and oh so attractive safety orange vest. It wasn’t until that moment when pointed at my mouth and gave me a devious little smile that I realized I had been holding my key fob between my lips as I loaded the car. As I removed the key the cart boy began to speak:

“You shouldn’t put things like that in a mouth like yours. I could give you a few lessons of what you could do with that mouth. You might like them better.”

I don’t shock easily but this took me by surprise. There I am looking into the face of a boy I could have mothered and he said something like that to me while in his work uniform in the parking lot of a grocery store at 5 PM in the evening.

At this point my mind is spinning. I could hit him I was justified. I could go in and tell his boss and get his ass fired. I could just drive away. But no, being me I spoke without really thinking at all.

“What the F***. Do you know what I would do to your mouth little man? Wash it out with soap. Take your damn cart and get out of here.” I pushed the cart towards his crotch and then there was more use of the F word as I got into my car and forced myself not to run him over as I left.

I wonder if men every really think about what comes out of their mouths when they speak to women. What would make you think it was okay to tell a woman what you were going to do with her mouth before you actually knew if she was into that sort of thing. And really, what the hell would you want with a woman who actually liked that sort of thing when you first meet?

This whole experience took me back to when I was in college and this horrible cheesy asshole used to hit on every woman in the bar hoping someone was stupid enough to fall for his lines. When it was my turn he came up to me and said:

“You know I am studying life guarding right now. I could show you my mouth to mouth skills”  

Call me old fashion but I would like to be told I have a nice smile rather then I have a mouth for porn. Gents choose your words carefully not everything that sounds clever in your head should escape your tongue. If you don’t want a cart in the crotch, you may want to watch your mouth.

Motherhood, no assembly required

As a mother the first time you hold your baby there is a sense of aw that cannot be rivaled. It doesn’t matter if you carried the child in your womb or adopted, that moment is the same. This is your child and you are from this day forward responsible for everything that happens to them. In that moment you are equipped with your mommy armor(which FYI, is not vomit, urine or poop proof) , that unseen super hero cape, the ability to see from behind your head, hear things that no other being on earth can hear, and the love of noodle art, from the macaroni mosaics to the penne pasta necklaces. Thus your journey into motherhood begins.

Motherhood. It is the something you are never truly prepared for no matter how many books you read, or how much advice every woman who came before you tries to give you. The only sound advice I ever heard and held true is: Go in with an open heart and open mind and you will be just fine.

But I was suckered into reading some of those parenting books while I was pregnant. Nowhere in any of those books do they prepare you for your two hour old infant peeing your hair. Your three year old cutting off her hair and all the hair of her dolls as her dad sleeps. Your toddler daughter corn on the cob and beef ribs off the bone, when she has no teeth.

Nor did they tell you how to cope when one of your children was broken and you weren’t able to fix her with a smile or a hug. Or how it felt when you saw her hear certain sounds for the first time in her life. It was almost like that feeling of aw when I first held her, words just can’t describe it.

As mothers we cry, we laugh, we tease, we taunt, we post awkward things on Facebook, and humiliate on Twitter. We yell, we scream, we are terrified when we aren’t certain of things, but we love. And we love with every ounce of our being no matter what our children do. It is the blessing and the curse that we take on without any hesitation to no fault of our own.

There is no manual to real motherhood. No istructions on how to assemble the perfect kids. We live each day knowing we are doing good things for them and occasionally they will tell us. When they are not calling us giant poopy heads and refusing to eat dinner. You won't find a chapter in that in many books either! 

Best wishes to all the moms out there.

The Journal

So there I was looking through some memorabilia from my younger years that my mom had given to me before she moved into her new house. There were old report cards, every single horrific school picture I had taken, old dance shoes, theatre bills, articles from my time on the school paper, and my journal.

My journal. Oh there was a time where I was never without it. I would write in it quite often including during school hours, family time and in the middle of the night if I felt I had something that couldn’t wait until morning. It is amazing the crap you can think about when are sixteen at three in the morning.

I sat in my closet opening the yellowed pages of the floral fabric covered book that I hadn’t seen in more than twenty years. Tucked in some of the pages were pictures, letters and mementos along with my overly dramatic description of what they meant to me at the time. In that hour of reading I relived every moment I had written about.

I realized several things in those moments. I had wonderful friends that I loved very much and I still do to this day. As much as I thought I wasn’t boy crazy back then, I was. I was a drama queen, so I am quite sure that is where my girls get it. Apparently sarcasm isn’t new to me.

And I dreamed of being a writer. I wanted to share my thoughts with people and provoke conversation. I am pretty sure the sixteen and seventeen year old me hadn’t imagined that the only writing I would share are blogs and social media quips. But I would hope she would approve.

It’s funny what we memories we keep at the surface and those we tuck away. We are all like walking time capsules of our life. Every few years you have to open up and take some of those memories out. The good the bad they made us who we are. I may have put my journal back in its box but I think I might keep those memories of that younger me out a little longer. She was kind of a neat kid.

A letter to Deb

I was waiting in the parking lot of the school where I have been mentoring some troubled female students when one of the teachers, who is a friend approached me. Cam and I work out together on Friday mornings. We are both women of age who share the same goals, to be fit as we head into forties and maintain a certain fitness level. We also have children the same age and love shoes!

While we were talking we were approached by the woman who runs the mentoring program, she goes by Deb. Well Deb walked up and rolled her eyes when she heard we were talking about a fitness class we were both taking.

“Must be nice to have so much time to work out and be all fit.” She hissed, “Some of us have to work for a living.”

As you can imagine my bitch flag shot up the pole and my eyes narrowed. Cam gently squeezed my arm to ease my attack on the clueless Deb.

Dear Deb:

Yes Deb when I am not eating bon bons and being pampered by my team of hot cabana males, I work out with a personal trainer and eat food prepared by the top chefs. WTF, this is the real world!

Deb I work 50 hours a week, I haul my kids to sports practices and games in season, as well as participate in school events, make all the meals, clean the house, do the laundry, get my social media fix in, craft, read AND work out, then have enough time to blog about your stupidity. It’s called time management and for someone who runs a mentoring program it is something that you should perhaps know a little something about.

Deb reality is that if you want to achieve certain goals you need to learn to manage your time. I needed to make fitness a priority in my life because when I feel good about myself it reflects in everything I do. I work better, I deal with people better, I can keep up with my family’s needs and we eat better. Oh and did I mention I lost forty pounds in a year? That happens when you set goals, you like meeting goals right? You must since it is on every one of your damn emails I have received!

A person who works with troubled youth is the last person on earth that should make a comment based on someone’s first impression, especially when you know nothing about them. Perception is different than reality in 9 out of 10 cases. I am guilty of making rash decisions of people usually based on stupid things that come out of their mouths rather than appearance.

Deb because I was feeling generous  and Cam was holding my arm, I gave you the benefit of the doubt yesterday and hoped that you were just having a bad day and that is why you said what you did. I plan on showing up to my next mentoring session in my work out gear just to make sure though.

Sincerely, Me

Yes this really happened!

The most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me as a parent happened this morning. I mean honestly I had to take a few hours before I could even absorb it, let alone speak of it. All three kids woke up this morning without argument, got washed, dressed, then ate breakfast, thanked me for breakfast. They brushed their teeth, did their chores, put on their shoes and there wasn’t a single argument. There was laughter and joking.

This never happens, let alone in my house. At some point over the weekend these kids were replaced by pod people. No way in hell were they mine!

Usually every morning is cage matches to the death between the girls, groaning from the boys, then all three start fighting while I am screaming like a mad woman. Mondays are that multiplied by the first three levels of hell. But not this morning.

I pinched myself a few times to make sure that I wasn’t having another one of my Wasabi Almond induced dreams, but I am really awake and this really did happen today. I didn’t tell hubs about it, there is no way he would believe me! I mean this just doesn’t happen. But then again neither does this beautiful weather that we have been having which may be responsible for the strange occurrence this morning.

I mean we did spend a great deal of time out enjoying the weather. The kids wore themselves out every day. The girls learned to right bikes without training wheels, all three kids drove the four wheeler, we hiked three miles on a fitness trail. They went to the park, they ran around with friends. It is possible that all this fresh air and sunshine has caused this phenomenon that is a peaceful Monday morning.

BUT, if you hear from me and I have lost my ability to toss out the sarcastic quip, or I don’t complain about co-workers and stupid people at least a dozen times a day, then this isn’t a phenomenon, it’s pod people!

20 day check in

There are 80 days until I turn 40. I would like to tell everyone I had some complete breakthrough in my first 20 days and wow everyone with reflections of an awesome nature. But the first 20 days led to a semi-unexpected breakdown. Here I am celebrating my life thus far when handed several unexpected bag of tricks at home and the work place, it kind of changes a girl’s game plan.

The home stuff isn’t anything major, just financial changes that one deals with when you have three children. The joys of dental bills, growth spurts and pre-pubescent angst, puberty, insurance increases for our soon to be driving teen and whatever the hell the youngest is going through! We will just call it the diva condition.

The work thing however is a bag I never expected to receive. Our president announced her departure two weeks ago and until last week I was in a complete state of shock. While in shock about the departure and what that would mean for all of us, we had a new employee and a new project to deal with. No time for self pity, just put on those big girl panties and push through.

But pushing through isn’t always easy when it comes to something so uncertain. Our leader has been there since the beginning, helped create a vision and maintained momentum with a strength that few could rival. We all followed suit even when things became uncertain during a weakened economy, a new mayor and loss of fiscal contracts. You wonder if anyone new can come into that role and truly understand the importance of what she did and how she did it. And of course there is finding someone to deal with the eclectic band of misfits she put together as her staff.

We really are a mixing pot of crazy people who on paper you would never think would ever work well together. When your focus is downtown Indy and you all share this unbridled passion to help create a city to be proud of, you find a common ground. In that common ground we became a family. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for anyone of the people and they wouldn’t do for me. Right now we are all in our big girl and boy panties holding hands taking deep breaths as we try to get through this thing together.

So as I look at 80 days until my big day, I think about the 100 plus days until I say good bye to a woman that had a hand in changing the last 11 years of my life. She was my greatest cheerleader even when I made mistakes. She gave me opportunities that I never thought I would have. When no one else could see the potential I had, she did. How do you say good bye to someone like that? You can’t really, they are always a part of you and the person that you are.

In 80 days I turn 40, but I’d think I’d like to be like her when I grow up.

A woman of age

There are exactly 100 days from tomorrow until I turn 40. Yes I stated my age on paper and I then posted it on the internet for all to see. I am going to be 40 and I am okay with that! I stated in my first blog of the year that this was my year without a safety net and I wasn’t lying people! So I will scream it from the roof tops! I Jen Nickels will be 40 in May!!!!!!!

My son stated I was a “woman of age” I am not sure whether to ground his sorry ass or commend him for making a gal like me sound so posh. It is better than when he referred to me as being on the “shy side of cougar town”. That did earn a grounding!  I would have him call me an old bag before I let him call me a cougar! I only look, I never claw at the poor younger men for the love of Pete!

Seriously one gets quite reflective before a big birthday. I was having a conversation with a young gal a few weeks ago when I had my hair trimmed. She asked when it was that I felt truly comfortable in my skin. I was floored that a twenty something woman asked me my opinion on this matter. When I asked her why she asked me, she said it was because when I sat in the chair I told her what I wanted I said “Anything you think will look good, it’s just hair.” She said a woman who does that is pretty comfortable with herself. I am thinking that, or she doesn’t give a rat’s ass but I played along!

For every woman there is a different levels of comfort as we age. I felt the first level of comfort with myself between the ages of 25 and 30. I wasn’t a complete basket case before that worrying what everyone else thought of me, I just didn’t really care for myself that much. I had made a lot of mistakes, ones that I couldn’t change which was hard for me to deal with. Not for the affects they had on me but for those they had on others. But I learned from them and they helped to guide me in the direction I needed. I made peace during this first level as many women do. We can’t change what was, we can only make a better what could be. Sounds like a greeting card in the making.

I admit my next level was the one where I became a little too comfortable. I just really let myself go and lived without limitation. This is a level that we should all avoid. Never get so comfortable you stop caring about yourself. Sometime we are all we have, so we need take care of all that. And at 38 I finally did that again. I found a new grove which included eating right, exercising, fabulous shoes and finding new ways to express myself. The me now kind of kicks ass and I like her minus some flaws I hope to change this year. Like using the word ass, in every paragraph, okay cursing in general, former sailor what can I say.

So 100 days left! I plan to do quite a bit in those 100 days I expect each of you to use them as well. Like plan me a big flipping bash so we can party like rock stars! Get busy time is a wasting! ;-)

What I did for the Super Bowl

Aside from answering a total of 347 calls on parking, events, and zip line questions, I was one of the 450 volunteers that had the privilege of working the Madonna Half Time Show for the Super Bowl.

Since I had worked the NFL kick off a few years back, I got an email that asked if I wanted to be part of the crew again. I mean who the hell refuses that opportunity? So the week we all got back from the holidays 500 people went to orientation, 400 were chosen for stage crew and 50 for audio and lighting.

We were all told that Ms. M herself had be rehearsing since the first week of December with her dancers. Right there told me this wasn’t going to be your run of the mill show, she had plans. And of course rumors were flying around about what Madonna’s plans were and they changed daily. All we knew for sure was that we were going to make sure her happy as was on and off the field in the time we were allotted!

Two weeks before the big day we were all gathered along with the stage in the bubble at University of Indianapolis and were divided up into groups. I was place on cart #10 which was one of the back bleachers sections that the dancers and choir used. There were 12 of us a motley crew of people from all walks of life but we all came together like we knew each other for years.

First few rehearsals were terrifying. I had no idea how the hell we were going to be ready to do this in two weeks. Getting 450 people to work together was like trying to put pants on a bag full of cats! But somehow we did it. In three nights we managed to impress our leaders with our abilities!

That weekend we moved to the big house and things started to get real! We were pushing the stage around and the lighting and sound crew was with us this time. There were the added elements of getting the lighting to mesh with the music, and then there was the visual effects that had to be added to the mix. We learned the art of “hurry and wait”.

By that Sunday we were all experts in “hurry and wait”. We got so good at it and putting the stage together, that our rehearsal the following Wednesday was canceled. We were all devastated because that was the day that Madonna herself was going to be there! So some of our posse got to rehearse with her while the rest of us were envious. But that was okay, because we were all getting the scoop from TMZ of what was going down on the show, because we all know they are always right!

Thursday night we all rushed into the stadium not sure if Ms. M would be there or not. Yep she was there on our stage with her dancers in her costume, working her little ass off! We sat and watched her for about an hour before we even got to touch out stage pieces. Whether or not you like Madonna, she is amazing to watch. She is a hard worker, focused and professional. Well not so professional she didn’t flash her ass at us a few times having a good time. And she made sure to let our bosses know that she appreciated all the hard work we were doing.

So I was pretty close to Nicki M, MIA and CeLo, got to meet LMFAO, got some autographs. Nearly plotzed when I saw that Tabitha D’umo was choreographer! I am such a fan of hers I cannot even tell you! If I hadn’t been working, I would have bum rushed her and made her sign my freaking shoe! And that was just rehearsal!

On the big day before we even got on the field we saw Madonna’s kids, Adam Levine, and some saw Ms. Katy Perry! I saw Adam as I was walking out of the Portolet, awkward! But I got over it once the reality of us having less than five minutes to get a stage and all this crap on the field in front of millions of people! But we did it!

And there I stood on the New York End zone watching everything come together and as the oiled up gladiators brought in Ms. M I cried. I helped do this with 449 plus people that were strangers two weeks earlier, and now we join the family of 6000 others who have done the same thing we did. We worked for a sweat shirt, some bagged lunches and soggy pizza but we put on one hell of a show! I did however get a piece of the stage! That is pretty freaking cool!

It was surreal standing there watching the audience’s reactions. No one was sitting they were all on their feet Vogueing and Luvin’. And yes watching MIA flip the bird that was no part of the show I can tell you. Despite MIA’s finger malfunction, the audience didn’t lie, they loved it and it made us feel like a million dollars!

I may not have gotten one of those snazzy Super Bowl scarves but what I have is the knowledge that for ten minutes on February 5, 2012 I was one of the most important people on TV. Five minutes on, five minutes off. Those ten minutes will last a lifetime!

Act your age, not your shoe size!

Well my shoe size is nine, like my daughter Kai whose friends believe nine is the new twenty five. Yes thanks to cell phones, ABC Family television programming, MTV reality TV, and the internet our children are now aging at a rate that will sadly put them in a nursing home before we are ready to retire! I am seriously considering plugging to get a documentary made “Death of Childhood in America”. And we only have ourselves to blame.

Yes a deep topic from the Geek in Four Inch Heelz, but I had a nice slap of reality when I overheard a conversation between two of my daughter’s friends. It was a conversation that I was pretty sure I didn’t have with my friends until I was at least a freshman in high school! Yes times have changed but the changes weren’t for the better when girls who haven’t started puberty yet are talking about sex!

When I was nine I was playing Barbie’s, thought boys had cooties, walked to see my friends when I wanted to talk to them, I didn’t worry about fitting into skinny jeans,  I chewed my nails I didn’t get acrylics and I was lucky if I could brush my hair let alone have it salon highlighted! A ten year old in our neighborhood has a standing appointment to have her fake nails filled and her highlights touched up so she can maintain her “look”. She is in fifth grade she should look ten, not like something straight from the Jersey Shore!

There was a time when tween meant arguing about bedtimes, not wanting to wear pigtails in your hair, and wanting to wear lip gloss to school. Now it is arguing about curfews, talking to boys on the phone(and meeting them in secreet) and catching your daughters with a full tramp wardrobe in her back pack that she is changing into when she gets to school. Luckily I haven’t had to deal with any of this yet but looking at her friends and their parents are dealing with, I know it is coming.

I have been driven to tears by the fact that I am sending my girls into a world where childhood is so short. I want to go back to the days where I had to tell them they couldn’t wear their princess dresses to the dinner table. I want to go back to pigtails and rosy cheeks. I want to hold on to seeing them giggle over things children giggle over. I want to watch them grow up not have it happen over night because today’s society says so. Keep your girls princesses with pigtails as long as they will let you. The time goes by so fast.

I know they will grow up one day but it can’t be tomorrow, this mama isn’t ready!

What is it you do?

I make it a personal task at the first of each year to update my resume. I was told while attending a transition class when I was leaving the Navy that this was a good practice and it was one that has stuck with me. It is always funny when I start looking at my resume, you think of all the things you would like to put down that you have done in your careers. Not only have I done a myriad of tasks I was never really trained for, I have done some things I am not sure you could ever be trained for.I have been with most of my co-workers for more then ten years now, and we see each other more then we see our families, hell we are family a big twisted crazy family. And with a work family there are duties that are required outside the box. I have been asked to fix bra straps, remove dog hair from a co-workers butt, checked teeth for seeds and spinach, and even done the booger check. I mean who wouldn't hire me for those qualities alone right?

Then you actually look at what you do everyday and try to package it up in a nice little bow so some scanner can look at key words and see if you fit into their criteria. Your strength and weaknesses programed into a machine to tell some HR person if you are even worth a few minutes of their time. If I were to insert any resume advice use good key words, like responsible, trust worthy and adaptable.

I was told once that my greatest strength was adaptability. When faced with a new task I did my best to master it. When put into a stressful situation I was able to think quickly on my feet and come up with a solution with out losing my cool, at the time anyway. At work I was able to absorb many of the tasks that co-workers who left the company had so that no new employees were hired and still do my own tasks.

This puts me in quite the quandary in the job market, if I were to leave mine. My title is Information Manager because Jack of All Trades Master of None doesn't look pretty on an office placard or business cards. I know I am not alone in this day and age of corporate downsizing and re-structureing. Our titles really do not tell the story of what we actually do and job descriptions listed in want ads actually seem dull to all of us Jacks out there. With that being said my preferred title would be "Goddess of all things Fundraising, Office, Network Related and Other Duties as Required". And even that doesn't quite sum it up.So just call me Goddess, and if someones asks what I do, tell them everything.

Jumping in feet first

Okay this is the year of no resolutions just results. Cheesy cliche you say? Not as cheesy as you think. I am taking that jumping in feet first, no holds barred, fly by the seat of my pants approach as I head in to the shy side of 40! I have lived too long in the safety net of should haves, could haves and what if's. 2012 is the year of just do it and do it Jen style!
There is no reason to put your toe in the pool to test the waters the year you turn 40. I want to look smoking hot in a bathing suit when I go to Vegas for my 40th in May. For that fantasy to come true, I need to back away from the mochas, put my big girl work out pants on hit the tread mill, save up the cash and find someone to watch the kids for a few days in late May. That is my "go for it" for 2012, never been to Vegas in my life and I think this year is as good as any!
So I parked far from the Starbucks in a much cheaper garage, got a new playlist for the gym, and am seraching for a way to butter up all friends and family for the next five months. LET'S DO THIS!!!!
Oh and what ever happens to me in Vegas will be FB posted, tweeted and blogged about, so no worries about any insanity staying put in Nevada!