We live, we make mistakes, we cry, we drink beer, we move on

We live… Well it’s been year since my last birthday…. Oh you heard that one have you? The last year of my life has been one for the books. And at the close of my 41st year of life I reflect on the things I have learned. The first thing I have learned about myself is that I am not as strong as I like to pretend that I am. Sarcasm is a reaction; it isn’t a shield or a thicker skin to keep me safe from bad things. I am in no way giving up sarcasm it can be very useful in so many ways just not truly guarding against the pain reality sometimes dishes out. And please do not think I am a total wimp I am still one tough gal but even tough gals need to call uncle every once and a while. We make mistakes… I fully admit taking the first job that was offered to me after I left my last job was not the smartest thing I have ever done. I may have missed an opportunity I had waited for for a very long time because of it but I can’t turn back time. (Yes you will now have the Cher song stuck in your head forever) I can only learn from this. Paranoia should not be why decisions are made. Something like this should have been given more than a few hours of thought and filling ones head with self-doubt. And if I hadn’t taken this job I may have never driven a fork lift or been trained on the Blood borne Pathogen Bodily Fluid Spill Kit. We cry….. It is okay to cry when bad things happen and you are scared. Sometimes the only way people know you are hurting is to see you cry. I swallowed a great amount of grief this past year and it tends to change you. Sometimes crying is cleansing it washes the bad out and leaves you with only good thoughts you want to have. We drink beer… I do like beer. I also like that there is a community of great ladies that I get to drink beer with and meet new great ladies and go to great new places. Thanks Indiana Girls Pint Out. We move on….. My 42nd year will be one of many changes. I will find a job that suits me better, I will get my health in order, I will cherish my family and friends. I will cry when I need to and probably drink a lot of beer. But mostly I will live.

My Mid-Life Crisis in 500 Words

I was told by a palm reader once that I would die just before my 84th birthday. Knowing me my death will be caused by my own hand. I’ll probably be run over by my hover round when I reached for my martini glass and fell out. I will be graceful until the end. With that being said, that would mark the next few months as my proverbial mid-life crisis. However my body and my life started my mid-life crisis last summer. My body broke down and then I lost my job of twelve years. I hadn’t realized until just recently that all that affected me more than I thought both physically and mentally. Lucky for me I have a good family and friends that kept me from going completely over the edge over this crazy year I’ve had. But still I am standing pretty close to the edge and I know it’s time to step back. Recently we have had some major flux at my current place of employment that has made me realize I am still mourning the loss of my old job. When you work somewhere you love for nearly twelve years, with people you truly care about it is difficult to let go. I didn’t really realize it until my six month evolution. I didn’t leave there on my own terms and I believe that makes putting it behind me so hard. I also realized that I wasn’t really as much a part of the company as I thought I was. I made myself fit in a way that didn’t really work for them and someone finally saw that. All things happen for a reason but it doesn’t make it any easier especially when I know without any doubt that I do not fit into my new job at all. I need to find the puzzle I actually fit into. And what I know I doesn’t fit into right now are most of the clothes in my closet. Funny thing about life it sometimes come with stress eating which adds oh so many pounds. I am the heaviest I have ever been and that includes pregnancies. I am not afraid to admit, I am owning the fact that I let myself go. Had I kept myself in check and taken care of myself I wouldn’t be here. And I know that I have to get myself back on track. Two years ago I was at the weight I wanted to be at and felt great I want to be there again. I know it will help my current health issues, it will help with my mood and my overall wellbeing. But I will need help this time lots of it. Not all midlife crisis’s come with fast cars and plastic surgeries. Sometimes they come with a few tears when you look at your sleeping children then the mirror and realize you could be better for them, you could be better for you. That’s how mine happened.