Living with MS- Next steps

I was sitting in an interview yesterday and they asked me the typical questions and I gave the typical answers. Then they asked me where I saw myself in five years. In the midst of a really bad bout of my MS that question almost brought me to tears. I answered “Hopefully in my forever job succeeding” out of habit. What I really thought in that moment was “I have no idea where I will be in five years”. I know that I may be in a wheelchair at some point or using a walker. I try not to dwell on those things because I am not there yet but when asked that question at the moment when you feel your body so out of control those thoughts are quite vivid. Yesterday I had to change what I was wearing because I couldn’t fasten the button on my pants or my shirt. I had to write down every thought I had on post it notes and put them in my purse and stick them to my phone in case I forgot what I needed to do or words I needed for the interview. Last night I went home exhausted. I needed to exercise but I was too physically and mentally tired to do so. I made dinner cutting my fingers twice as I prepared it I was trying not to become to frustrated with my hands that haven’t worked well in three weeks. I ate, made a cup of tea then I sat. I refused to cry. But I did think about that question, where will I be in five years. I realized that I have to think about that. I have children and I have responsibilities. I want to live every day as they come but I am at the point where I need to plan for the what ifs. It is time to say, I have a disability and I need to plan but not be overcome with what could happen to me. I would hope in the next five years that I could find a treatment to help me or hell maybe there will be a cure for MS. That is my hope. The reality is treatments take time. There is no overnight fix for anything. Patience and planning is part of life and reminding myself every day to have a life. I can’t stop living because of this disease. That is the first rule of the living with MS club, don’t forget to live. But we sometimes have to focus on the unpleasant side of the disease and I am there now. But it is okay because it’s a part of this and you have to accept the bad with the good. I have always said and I will always say, it isn’t what happens to you in life it is how you chose to handle it that makes you who you are. I will take this next step in my journey with much research and thoughtfulness. I don’t want a quick fix, I want the right fit for me. So when I am asked again where I see myself in five years I will answer “Where I need to be”.