My Mid-Life Crisis in 500 Words

I was told by a palm reader once that I would die just before my 84th birthday. Knowing me my death will be caused by my own hand. I’ll probably be run over by my hover round when I reached for my martini glass and fell out. I will be graceful until the end. With that being said, that would mark the next few months as my proverbial mid-life crisis. However my body and my life started my mid-life crisis last summer. My body broke down and then I lost my job of twelve years. I hadn’t realized until just recently that all that affected me more than I thought both physically and mentally. Lucky for me I have a good family and friends that kept me from going completely over the edge over this crazy year I’ve had. But still I am standing pretty close to the edge and I know it’s time to step back. Recently we have had some major flux at my current place of employment that has made me realize I am still mourning the loss of my old job. When you work somewhere you love for nearly twelve years, with people you truly care about it is difficult to let go. I didn’t really realize it until my six month evolution. I didn’t leave there on my own terms and I believe that makes putting it behind me so hard. I also realized that I wasn’t really as much a part of the company as I thought I was. I made myself fit in a way that didn’t really work for them and someone finally saw that. All things happen for a reason but it doesn’t make it any easier especially when I know without any doubt that I do not fit into my new job at all. I need to find the puzzle I actually fit into. And what I know I doesn’t fit into right now are most of the clothes in my closet. Funny thing about life it sometimes come with stress eating which adds oh so many pounds. I am the heaviest I have ever been and that includes pregnancies. I am not afraid to admit, I am owning the fact that I let myself go. Had I kept myself in check and taken care of myself I wouldn’t be here. And I know that I have to get myself back on track. Two years ago I was at the weight I wanted to be at and felt great I want to be there again. I know it will help my current health issues, it will help with my mood and my overall wellbeing. But I will need help this time lots of it. Not all midlife crisis’s come with fast cars and plastic surgeries. Sometimes they come with a few tears when you look at your sleeping children then the mirror and realize you could be better for them, you could be better for you. That’s how mine happened.