Yes Virginia, retailors are stealing Christmas

Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus, and he will be at your local shopping mall earlier and earlier every year so that retailors can make money sooner and Christmas is just another day that doesn’t mean anything more than the bottom line. When I was a little girl there were no glimpses of Christmas until you got the Sears Big Book catalog with all the latest toys which usually arrived in November. The season kicked off once you saw Santa make his way down the street on TV for the Macy’s Parade on Thanksgiving. The next day the stores were all decorated and the decorations in the town square were lit up, with the faded Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer lighting the way for all the holiday magic. There was no Black Friday. That Friday was the first day of holiday baking, decorating and writing our lists to Santa while we had that Sears Big Book and its already worn pages marked to show him what we wanted. The trip to Santa was always nerve racking trying to remember everything you wanted to ask him without sounding too greedy. Greedy kids were on the naughty list and just the thought of coal made you shiver in your Moon boots. We went to church back then, most everyone did. There was the traditional live nativity or anointing of the crèche. Even if you weren’t an overly religious person, the ceremony meant something. It was a reminder of what Christmas was supposed to be about. Family and tradition was more important than getting the latest gadget at ad match prices. Kids bought their dads ties they would never wear, you bought mothers perfume that made her smell like dead flowers and you made someone in your family an ashtray even though they didn’t smoke. At some family holiday gathering you would eat aunt so and so’s Jello surprise salad and lied about how wonderful it was until you realized the surprise was it was left over from Thanksgiving. These are the things we remember, not the gifts we got but the moments years later we joke about. I wish my kids could know all the magic I did during those years. Each holiday was allowed to stand alone with all its wonder. I try to created that at home but the outside world does its best to squash my idealistic bubble. I don’t want my kids to think of this time of the years like it is just like any other time of the year. It should be special. It shouldn’t be splashed all over the television and shopping malls in October so it loses its meaning. I do what I can to make it special and I think they understand what it should be about which gives me hope for Christmas to come. Yes Virginia there is a Santa Claus you just may need to look a little harder to find him under all the retail propaganda. But he is there and thank goodness he is there to bring a little magic back to this time of the year.

Me on a plate

Me on a plate. Those four words have haunted me ever since I hit send back in July when I pre-registered for MasterChef audition. How does one even begin to decide how to plate and present yourself on a plate? Me being me giggled for a moment to myself wondering what sarcastic or bitch would taste like. I imagine something spicy and slightly bitter. And if that were the case I’d plate a kick ass Bloody Mary but this is MasterChef not Master Bartender, which would be an awesome show Fox should get on it. Who am I food wise? Well I cook for family and friends and their opinions means the most to me. When I prepare a dish for them I consider things they like and what would bring them joy and comfort. So I knew my dish would have to be a comfort food. Something warm and hearty like a big hug on a cold day. I am a pretty good hugger though I am reserved with them so my dish needed to reflect that, so onions. Yes onions. I love onions but some people are scared of them. If handled correctly these lovely layered beauties can be sweet and savory, if handled incorrectly they can have a bite that you will regret just like me. Onions with the right herbs can be healing magic and nothing some healing magic like some bay and fresh thyme. If I am anything I am a girl who knows her herbs and spices just like with onions, herbs and spices can make and break a dish just like too much perfume on a woman. And no one likes that. Beer. I love beer. I love to drink it, cook with it and bake with it so it had to be a part of my dish. I went with a nice hearty stout because I am a Midwestern gal and I had to represent my bovine corn fed side a little. That same Midwestern gal decided chicken thighs were the best protein to soak in all this tasty goodness. Sweet and tender willing to take on the flavor, yes I can be sweet and tender I have layers like those onions! So beer braised chicken and onions is what I decided best represented me at this point in my life. It isn’t the prettiest of dishes but I am not the pretest of girls but I hold my own I figured the dish would do the same. I chose to pair with dumpling noodles and sweet glazed baby carrots. I went out and bought a beautiful new plate because every gal needs a new outfit before a big event right? I bought all my ingredients and made sure I was prepared to put me on a plate. I woke at five in the morning and made the dumpling noodles. I started my chicken, then the onions an hour later then I should have. I ruined the first batch of noodles, nearly burnt the carrots and ran out of salt. Cooking in a hotel kitchen gives you a whole new level stress on a day that could change life and my stress level told me the only thing I would be showing them on that plate was a big old hot mess. I finally got my crap together and we headed to the hotel. Once I got there it was too late to second guess anything. I listened to what others were making, to me it didn’t sound as if they were putting themselves on a plate, they were putting what they thought would get them through and they probably would but I still felt good about my dish because it was me and I know me. We were broken up in groups. I was number twelve and in the second group. I stood talking and laughing with a few people in line and we guessed that out of all the people that would go through this process that day, about three hundred maybe five people would be chosen to go to LA. If that isn’t a reality bitch slap for you then I am not sure what is. Our group went it about eleven. We got the directions we needed from the casting directors and were told we had three minutes. Three minutes to put yourself on a plate. The shortest three minutes I have ever known in my life. There I was dishing noodles, picking the perfect chicken thigh, arranging my carrots and time was called. My heart was racing, but I was smiling because the room filled with the scent of my savory chicken and everyone was looking my way. I was fourth for the taste tester to visit. I watched carefully as she went to each of the others and asked them about the foods they liked to cook. When she got to me I was ready. I answered her questions she tasted my food and moved on to the next person in line. The casting director followed her and asked all about me, I couldn’t tell you what I told her I was so nervous and then she was gone. They said once we were done we could pack up or we could taste each other dishes. I wanted to see what others had made, I was impressed but they were equally impressed with mine. When everyone was completed we all packed up while the crew got together to discuss how the twenty five of us did. The main casting director came up with a stack of our forms and thanked us for our dishes and showing them who we were. She asked that eight people stay behind they had more questions for them. I wasn’t in those eight. When I wasn’t chosen to be one to move on to the second interviews I was heartbroken. All those dreams you have when you see yourself doing the one thing you really wanted to do all fade and I felt as if I have nothing to look forward to now. I had to tell myself a few times I am only disappointed not defeated. This year I survived going blind in one eye and losing my job, this was nothing in comparison. There will be another chance to do this and maybe the me on the plate will be the person they really want.

Master Chef in heelz?

Yesterday I made a decision to do something crazy. Not leaving for the Navy three weeks after I signed up for it crazy like back in 1994 but crazy none the less. I decided to apply to be on Master Chef. This may be a crazy pipe dream but it is something I have wanted to do for a while. I am passionate about food. I love to talk about food, I love to cook food and love to eat it of course. I want to share my passion with others and I feel this is an opportunity to do so. The going blind in one eye thing a few months ago was a giant kick in the pants for me. Life is full of unexpected occurrences and you never know what will happen next. Take the opportunity to do the things you want to do before your ability to do them is taken away. I may not have a chance in hell of getting on the show but at least I can say I tried and for me that is a win. BUT if I am given the opportunity to cook for three of the best chefs in the world I will do my best to represent Indy and all the wonderful food knowledge I have learned here. I have never lived somewhere where there is such a sense of local pride when it comes to cooking. Indy knows how to do the drink and eat local thing right. I plan on representing the 317 by showing the judges our local spirit through food. I am sending in my application tomorrow after which I am going to start teaching myself some things I will need to know how to do to survive the Master Chef kitchen if I make it. Me learning to filet a fish will be interesting to say the least. I may call on family and friends to do some taste testing as well. Any good cooking vibes would be greatly appreciated as I start what I hope is a long and fruitful journey.

Day by Day

A year and two weeks ago I woke up ready to start my fortieth year. I was excited about this new adventure, feeling confident and hopeful for what that would bring. I have to say my fortieth year was pretty good. I got to spend it with my family, more time with my husband and met some really great people who introduced us to really great new experiences. I was embracing life in its fullest and I couldn’t have been happier. Funny how things can change in a year. I went to bed a week after my forty first birthday with a headache and woke up practically blind in my left eye. My first response was that my allergies which I had struggled with all this season decided that I just didn’t need to see that day. I blew it off and took my usual meds, tried some drops and went about my day. But as the day went on and the headache returned I felt something just wasn’t right. Okay I admit it I WebMD’d. I mean you wake up blind in one eye you are going to go a little crazy right especially when the vision didn’t come back the next day. I pretty much knew after I called the family doctor and she said to get into the optometrist that this was a little more than your typical issues. No signs pointed that allergies caused my issue. That night I got into see the eye doctor and that night I think I had my first real health scare that wasn’t caused by my children’s condition. Possible cause of blindness: Optic neuritis. Swelling around the optical nerve caused by the body attacking due to infection. Possible causes, MS. MRI required for confirmation of lesions, IV steroids should be considered. These were the words I read in the front seat of my car as I sat at Ossip that night. I called my family doctor who told me to come in a half hour before my appointment time to fill out paperwork. As soon as I walked into my doctor’s office the next day she was on the phone calling for a neurologist to see what they wanted to do. I was told to head to the ER and they were going to admit me and start testing. I think I lost four pounds in blood loss within the first hour there. Then I was strapped into the machine with a cage on my head and laid trying not to completely lose it alone in a big white tube. An hour and forty five minutes is a really long time to be trapped inside your own brain. The only thing I could think of was I cannot jump to conclusions. I cannot lose my composure. I cannot let whatever this is control me because it could be nothing. My focus is to heal and to see again and worry about everything else later. My MRI induced bravery waivered slightly when I saw my husband waiting in the ER, I cried and I am not ashamed of that fact. We waited for my MRI results and for me to be admitted upstairs to start treatment. The ER doctor said they found two spots on the MRI that could be lesions on the brain which could indicate MS but she, like me was focused on the optic neuritis. She said they would start me on IV steroids which meant a three day stay in the hospital. I would be visited regularly by the neurologist while I was there. The next morning I woke up and me being me I had thought my sight would start coming back. I mean they woke me up every six hours to give me medication, lack of sleep alone should mandate my body to heal quickly right? You just don’t get that lucky all the time. So after more medication, more blood work and an interesting interchange with the dementia patient next door the neurologist came in. He said that there were spots on the brain that could indicate MS but given my age and the vision being my only visible symptom, he wasn’t sure that that he would call it MS. BUT, and there is always a but, he said that it could be that the vision was the very first symptom in my case which means it was caught very early. He said we would see how my body reacted to the medications I was on and if we could get rid of the infection and swelling causing my blindness before moving on to anything else. I was in complete agreement. A week later I am back at work, still not able to see in my left eye hopped up on steroids and trying to focus on day by day. I have been avoiding looking at lists of symptoms or letting my family and friends do their own research. I know they all want to be helpful but I don’t want to be focused on a list. I am not a list and what is happening to me shouldn’t be defined as patient data or symptom searches on the internet. We all deal with things like this in our own way. I am dealing with it as a sarcastic one eye woman trying to find the positive. Some may think that is belittling the situation. Sorry if that offends but I refuse to lose myself in all of this. The support I have had in all this so far has been so overwhelming helpful I don’t think I could thank many of you enough. Just laughing with me and keeping my chin up means the world. I thank you and hope to give you some really good news at the end of all this.

Why I gave up Diet Coke & other things

Aren’t we all so cute with our New Year’s resolutions! We are all gung ho for about two months then it’s back to the same old same old. But we made an effort so we don’t feel completely bad about ourselves until December 31 of that year and we make the same old resolution again. I do the same thing every year. Last year I strived to be fabulous for 40th birthday May 25. By May 26 fabulous turned to “still not bad for her age” by December 31, I was at the “she really let herself go” phase. I saw the New Years pictures guys, there is no denying that fact! Okay I had help with letting myself go. Some things went down at work and I didn’t handle them so well. And then my body decided that it was going to shut down. This is one of the many joys of having an autoimmune condition. If you don’t mind your body, your body will turn on you. And boy did it turn! I ditched the gym, didn’t really watch what I was eating or drinking and blamed stressed. Stress isn’t a good excuse, the fact is : I WAS MORE STRESSED BECAUSE I WASN’T TAKING CARE OF MYSELF! Wow there is a concept! Well my body which is fatter and less healthy then ever decided that I am no longer capable of making sound decision for myself. So it send me these singles like weight gain, headaches, joint pain, hair loss, etc. that tells me, enough is enough. I have to get back to that girl that two years ago dropped thirty pounds and felt great, she only had a few bouts with her illness and was able to rally quickly. I have to be that girl because I am truly terrified of what will happen to me if I don’t. On January 1, I didn’t make a resolution I made a list of all the things that I know I need to change in my life. I am taking the inside out approach. I have to clean or Detox myself of a few things that may help trigger my illness. Yes I gave up booze, and today I made the sacrifice of my beloved Diet Coke. Other things I have to give up for 28 days include, dairy, eggs, soy, gluten, peanuts, corn and sugar. Not sure how all that is going to work but hey, if it keeps my hair from falling out and my joints from aching, I am all game! I went Diet Cokeless for over a year, I did feel better from just giving that up. I didn't have the aches and pains like I did before when I was drinking 32 oz a day of it. After I lost all the weight the year before, I thought what could Diet Coke hurt? My body, that's what it hurts! It isn’t just what I put into my body that needs clean out, it’s some of the negativity I seem to have in certain circumstances. I am generally sarcastic but I can be a bitch sometimes, shocking to many I know! I need to turn the page when it comes to how I handle situations, especially dealing with my family. My poor kiddos have bore the wrath of mom for too long. That isn’t to say I still won’t be sarcastic, just not negative sarcastic! Eventually I will get to the outside thing but I think I better stew on the insides for a while, I mean I did give up booze and Diet Coke for Pete’s sake, there is only so much change one person can take all at once! But I will get there!