Week 25 Living with MS- New Year New Hope

Week twenty five of symptoms. By the time all is said and done I will have spent more than half of 2016 with MS symptoms. The past three months month have been the most difficult I have had. The tremors have been difficult and at times terrifying and yet I know it could be worse. I am almost used to the slurred speech and the on and off vision in my left eye but the tremors a little harder to deal with. I saw the neurologist last week and he couldn’t believe I have been dealing with this for so long. We discussed my options, I could either take meds to treat the symptoms or look at medication that would help with longer remissions. Well I haven’t had a remission on six months and I have been dealing with the symptoms pretty well even when they were bad. So I opted for longer remissions. My medication options were less than originally thought as he officially diagnosed me with Secondary Progressive MS. I had been told it was likely that was what I would be diagnosed but its now official. My medication options changed and I was approved for one by the pharm company, I am not waiting to see what the insurance company says for cost. That will be the kick in the pants. But luckily there are resources to help me. There are side effects that are scary but people go on this every day so I have to believe that I will be okay. I have made it this far right? I am hopeful that I will see remission and maybe I will be lucky enough to go three years like I did after my first bout of optic neuritis that would be something! So in my head that is my goal to keep focusing on the in between time although after six months I am not sure if I can handle normal but I am sure as hell going to try. As 2016 comes to an end I could say that it was the worse year of my life but it wasn’t. In 2016 I found myself again and I learned that I am so much stronger than I ever thought I was. I learned that I have a village of support that stretched the globe. I reconnected with wonderful friends and family. So I can’t say that 2016 was bad. I am however looking forward to 2017. I am looking forward to my new treatment. I am looking forward to new adventures. I wish everyone in my life the best for the new year, I am so grateful to you all.

Today I cried

In the past year, I was divorced, my children chose to live with their father and I was diagnosed with a crippling disease. Rarely did I cry when all this was happening. There were moments but never did I sit and weep for myself. This morning as I read the headlines I wept at first it was for our country and in the end I cried for myself. I am a woman with a disabling disease that was sexually assaulted while I served my country. The man we put in office has no respect for any of the things I am or what happened to me. His agenda will take away my rights as a woman. His agenda will make health care for my disease more difficult. His agenda will take rights away from my friends and people I love and respect. I wept for all these things and I wept for what could happen to this country, the country I served proudly even after what happened to me while doing so. See that man on my television and hearing his words made me relive a time in my life that I thought I washed down the drain the day it happened to me. I wept for those memories and what was left of my innocence at twenty two years old that washed down that drain too. People who know me know I don’t cry easy. But I will cry today along with a great many. I am disappointed that there were so many that believe this was the right choice to make but I won’t judge them. We all have a right to our decisions and today I decide to cry. Tomorrow I will hold my head up and know despite what happened I did what I could and I will move on.