Week 18 on deck - Living with MS

I sat looking at my calendar and counted out how days turned into weeks turned into months. Thursday starts week 18 of MS symptoms that is four months. Four months of no control of my body in the middle of six really bad weeks. But I remain determined to get through this and I won’t let it beat me down. But I am tired and now I have new concerns and will see the doctor Thursday. I am trying not to dwell on the what ifs but there is a part of me that is just really tired. That part has woken up in the middle of the night crying a few times lately. I try to keep that part of me quiet but as this continues its voice gets louder and louder. I know it doesn’t make me weak, I have no problem with people knowing how I feel about this, I just don’t want this part of me to take me over. I found myself canceling plans I made because it was a bad day. I didn’t want people to see me and what was happening. I wound up alone listening to that voice and that was not a good place to be. But I am over that part I need to continue to live and if people can’t handle my slurred speech or uneven gate that is on them not me. These things don’t change who I am but giving into them does. I have to remind myself of this every day. And I have to remind myself to slow down. I am working so hard at being normal I forget that I have a medical condition that requires attention and rest. I had wanted to take more on at work and this past I realized given the uncertainty of my situation that wasn’t really feasible. I need to keep my life simple where I can. I shouldn’t be trying to be everything to everybody to prove a point. My life is good. I have a job, I have a nice place to live I have good family and friends. I have a successful craft business that I am lucky enough to still be able to do. So I don’t really need to be Wonder Woman though it would be cool. But I am happy with my life I just going through a little rough patch and I will get past this because of all that I have going for me. Whatever happens later this week with the doctor I will face with the same attitude I have now. You can’t control what happens only how you react to it. You deal with it you move on.