Master Chef in heelz?

Yesterday I made a decision to do something crazy. Not leaving for the Navy three weeks after I signed up for it crazy like back in 1994 but crazy none the less. I decided to apply to be on Master Chef. This may be a crazy pipe dream but it is something I have wanted to do for a while. I am passionate about food. I love to talk about food, I love to cook food and love to eat it of course. I want to share my passion with others and I feel this is an opportunity to do so. The going blind in one eye thing a few months ago was a giant kick in the pants for me. Life is full of unexpected occurrences and you never know what will happen next. Take the opportunity to do the things you want to do before your ability to do them is taken away. I may not have a chance in hell of getting on the show but at least I can say I tried and for me that is a win. BUT if I am given the opportunity to cook for three of the best chefs in the world I will do my best to represent Indy and all the wonderful food knowledge I have learned here. I have never lived somewhere where there is such a sense of local pride when it comes to cooking. Indy knows how to do the drink and eat local thing right. I plan on representing the 317 by showing the judges our local spirit through food. I am sending in my application tomorrow after which I am going to start teaching myself some things I will need to know how to do to survive the Master Chef kitchen if I make it. Me learning to filet a fish will be interesting to say the least. I may call on family and friends to do some taste testing as well. Any good cooking vibes would be greatly appreciated as I start what I hope is a long and fruitful journey.

Day by Day

A year and two weeks ago I woke up ready to start my fortieth year. I was excited about this new adventure, feeling confident and hopeful for what that would bring. I have to say my fortieth year was pretty good. I got to spend it with my family, more time with my husband and met some really great people who introduced us to really great new experiences. I was embracing life in its fullest and I couldn’t have been happier. Funny how things can change in a year. I went to bed a week after my forty first birthday with a headache and woke up practically blind in my left eye. My first response was that my allergies which I had struggled with all this season decided that I just didn’t need to see that day. I blew it off and took my usual meds, tried some drops and went about my day. But as the day went on and the headache returned I felt something just wasn’t right. Okay I admit it I WebMD’d. I mean you wake up blind in one eye you are going to go a little crazy right especially when the vision didn’t come back the next day. I pretty much knew after I called the family doctor and she said to get into the optometrist that this was a little more than your typical issues. No signs pointed that allergies caused my issue. That night I got into see the eye doctor and that night I think I had my first real health scare that wasn’t caused by my children’s condition. Possible cause of blindness: Optic neuritis. Swelling around the optical nerve caused by the body attacking due to infection. Possible causes, MS. MRI required for confirmation of lesions, IV steroids should be considered. These were the words I read in the front seat of my car as I sat at Ossip that night. I called my family doctor who told me to come in a half hour before my appointment time to fill out paperwork. As soon as I walked into my doctor’s office the next day she was on the phone calling for a neurologist to see what they wanted to do. I was told to head to the ER and they were going to admit me and start testing. I think I lost four pounds in blood loss within the first hour there. Then I was strapped into the machine with a cage on my head and laid trying not to completely lose it alone in a big white tube. An hour and forty five minutes is a really long time to be trapped inside your own brain. The only thing I could think of was I cannot jump to conclusions. I cannot lose my composure. I cannot let whatever this is control me because it could be nothing. My focus is to heal and to see again and worry about everything else later. My MRI induced bravery waivered slightly when I saw my husband waiting in the ER, I cried and I am not ashamed of that fact. We waited for my MRI results and for me to be admitted upstairs to start treatment. The ER doctor said they found two spots on the MRI that could be lesions on the brain which could indicate MS but she, like me was focused on the optic neuritis. She said they would start me on IV steroids which meant a three day stay in the hospital. I would be visited regularly by the neurologist while I was there. The next morning I woke up and me being me I had thought my sight would start coming back. I mean they woke me up every six hours to give me medication, lack of sleep alone should mandate my body to heal quickly right? You just don’t get that lucky all the time. So after more medication, more blood work and an interesting interchange with the dementia patient next door the neurologist came in. He said that there were spots on the brain that could indicate MS but given my age and the vision being my only visible symptom, he wasn’t sure that that he would call it MS. BUT, and there is always a but, he said that it could be that the vision was the very first symptom in my case which means it was caught very early. He said we would see how my body reacted to the medications I was on and if we could get rid of the infection and swelling causing my blindness before moving on to anything else. I was in complete agreement. A week later I am back at work, still not able to see in my left eye hopped up on steroids and trying to focus on day by day. I have been avoiding looking at lists of symptoms or letting my family and friends do their own research. I know they all want to be helpful but I don’t want to be focused on a list. I am not a list and what is happening to me shouldn’t be defined as patient data or symptom searches on the internet. We all deal with things like this in our own way. I am dealing with it as a sarcastic one eye woman trying to find the positive. Some may think that is belittling the situation. Sorry if that offends but I refuse to lose myself in all of this. The support I have had in all this so far has been so overwhelming helpful I don’t think I could thank many of you enough. Just laughing with me and keeping my chin up means the world. I thank you and hope to give you some really good news at the end of all this.

Why I gave up Diet Coke & other things

Aren’t we all so cute with our New Year’s resolutions! We are all gung ho for about two months then it’s back to the same old same old. But we made an effort so we don’t feel completely bad about ourselves until December 31 of that year and we make the same old resolution again. I do the same thing every year. Last year I strived to be fabulous for 40th birthday May 25. By May 26 fabulous turned to “still not bad for her age” by December 31, I was at the “she really let herself go” phase. I saw the New Years pictures guys, there is no denying that fact! Okay I had help with letting myself go. Some things went down at work and I didn’t handle them so well. And then my body decided that it was going to shut down. This is one of the many joys of having an autoimmune condition. If you don’t mind your body, your body will turn on you. And boy did it turn! I ditched the gym, didn’t really watch what I was eating or drinking and blamed stressed. Stress isn’t a good excuse, the fact is : I WAS MORE STRESSED BECAUSE I WASN’T TAKING CARE OF MYSELF! Wow there is a concept! Well my body which is fatter and less healthy then ever decided that I am no longer capable of making sound decision for myself. So it send me these singles like weight gain, headaches, joint pain, hair loss, etc. that tells me, enough is enough. I have to get back to that girl that two years ago dropped thirty pounds and felt great, she only had a few bouts with her illness and was able to rally quickly. I have to be that girl because I am truly terrified of what will happen to me if I don’t. On January 1, I didn’t make a resolution I made a list of all the things that I know I need to change in my life. I am taking the inside out approach. I have to clean or Detox myself of a few things that may help trigger my illness. Yes I gave up booze, and today I made the sacrifice of my beloved Diet Coke. Other things I have to give up for 28 days include, dairy, eggs, soy, gluten, peanuts, corn and sugar. Not sure how all that is going to work but hey, if it keeps my hair from falling out and my joints from aching, I am all game! I went Diet Cokeless for over a year, I did feel better from just giving that up. I didn't have the aches and pains like I did before when I was drinking 32 oz a day of it. After I lost all the weight the year before, I thought what could Diet Coke hurt? My body, that's what it hurts! It isn’t just what I put into my body that needs clean out, it’s some of the negativity I seem to have in certain circumstances. I am generally sarcastic but I can be a bitch sometimes, shocking to many I know! I need to turn the page when it comes to how I handle situations, especially dealing with my family. My poor kiddos have bore the wrath of mom for too long. That isn’t to say I still won’t be sarcastic, just not negative sarcastic! Eventually I will get to the outside thing but I think I better stew on the insides for a while, I mean I did give up booze and Diet Coke for Pete’s sake, there is only so much change one person can take all at once! But I will get there!

Taking back my pants!

Life has a funny way of smacking you in the face with a healthy dose of reality every once and a while. It likes to remind you that you are indeed human and shouldn’t be cocky and self assured all the time. That is what happened to me. A year ago I was celebrating a thirty pound weight loss and a change in lifestyle I was happy with, then life happened and I am pretty starting over again!

I gained half that weight back since March. With the Super Bowl at the beginning of the year, our president leaving, health issues and changes at home (good changes but different) I was in a tailspin of self destruction I didn’t even realize I was in. Well it’s time to gain control again.

I know where it all started going south, it was losing my daily routine. For a year I went to the gym every day even if it were only for thirty minutes. Going broke up my work day and when I came back I was energized and focused. I also slept better at night which lately hasn’t been easy, oh Sleep Number how I loathe thee!

Then work started to get crazy and with the old president leaving and transitioning a new president finding that lunch hour gym trip became harder and harder. And then my pants started getting tighter and tighter. I became unhappier, not as energized as and more bitchy than usual, not sure this is really possible but we will go with it! And health issues I hadn’t dealt with returned with a vengeance which also makes me irritable and really dislike my body!

Well things have settled in the office and there are no more excuses for me getting back on track. So starting today back at the gym! I will make one with the treadmill and catch up with Maury. I will track my eating again which is never fun but it needs to be done. I really need to be more mindful of my food allergies and stop ignoring them! I will stop the weeknight cocktails and writing that made me cry a little but it’s all good, it’s for a good cause.  

Other goals, work on starting to run again so I can run some 5K’s in 2013 and train for a half marathon in 2014. I also want to start riding my bike and maybe do a few longer rides.

Yes a lofty set of goals but all doable, I was almost there in some cases a few months ago. So here is to taking back my pants guys!

My kids the food snobs

I am heating up my soup when one of the floor mates asks me how my weekend was and if I had done anything fun. I told her that the family went to Dig In Indiana on Sunday. She looked at me as if I slapped her in the face while I was driving over her children in a tank.

Her “Why would you waste your money ,kids don’t eat that way.”

Me “Mine do, they like to try new things.”

Her “You are one of those people that turn their kids into food snobs where normal food isn’t good enough for them.” She said eating her Ramen out of the Styrofoam container, because that is normal food for a 30+ woman!

So what is normal food for a kid? Was she referring to the typical peanut butter and jelly, macaroni and cheese and chicken nugget diet that most of us feed our kids regularly because we don’t think they will like anything else?

We give kids too little credit when it comes to food. I myself have done that with my children. We think they won’t eat certain things so we don’t even bother to see if they will try them. Then they are out somewhere and they try it and they like it and we are shocked.

I had a conversation with my gym buddy who couldn’t believe all the things the kids tried at Dig In and also ate in general. Her son is young and she wants him to be a well rounded eater like my little food snobs. So she asked for a few tips. Every child is different but this is what I shared:

The first step to getting a kid to expand past the typical kid safe meals is exposure. The more you let your kids explore food options the more likely they are to try new things. They may not like them but at least they gave it a try. I took my kids to the market and told them to pick out something they had never had before. Kailey brought us asparagus so we tried it as a family that night. We don’t eat it every night but we have had it a few times since then, a small victory for mom!

The second thing that I found helpful was involving the kids in meal planning and preparation. When a child has a say and a part in meals they will also try new things. They girls said they wanted to try ratatouille. So we made it together. It wasn’t our favorite thing but there were elements that they liked. They liked the squash so we took some of that the next night and coated it with cornmeal then pan fried it, they all liked it.

On that same note find certain food types that kids like and play off that. If you have pasta eater try new things with pasta each week. In our house it was spaghetti or lasagna every other week. Then we tried a few different dishes and the family loved them! One was as simple as tossing some cheese tortellini with a jar of sundried tomatoes. Takes less than 15 minutes to prepare and costs less than $6 for the meal and the family loves it.

Next don’t give up. Just because kids don’t like something the first time they try it doesn’t mean they won’t love it the next time. Kids’ tastes come and go just like ours do, even their favorite meals may not appeal to them all the time.

And finally don’t over whelm them with too many new things at once. Easing new things into kids diets work much better then stating “We are never going through the drive through again so eat these beats and bean sprouts”. Nothing will start rebellion quicker than too many changes at once.

Am I am expert? Hell no, I am still learning as I go. And I am using my kids to help me learn, some days I listen better than others. I just can’t get over that one kid not liking broccoli, how can she not like broccoli? But for the most part I am listening!

And for the big question: Are my kids food snobs? No, they like those kid staples just like the other kids but they happen to like to try new things too. But I will never feed them Ramen from a Styrofoam cup!

When the former co-worker calls

So there you are eating your lunch catching up on emails that came through while you were watching Maury on the elliptical at the gym when the phone rings. You answer and the voice on the other end makes you drop your fork in your lap, your eyes widen and you mouth the words “Oh Shit, not again”.

No it isn’t a call from your kids’ school, it’s your former co-worker. You know the one you tried to get along with because you liked her as a person but the work her was Satan’s mistress so you cut all ties, yeah her. She called to tell you she had a new job and needed your help. You, trying to forgive every shitty thing she did to you, decide in a weak moment to help her. So you put your lunch aside and look up the information she asked for. She thanks you in her overly sticky sweet fashion and you think she is going to say good bye so you can go back to your now cold lunch when this comes out of her mouth:

“So are you still doing less then what I did when I had you job?”

A cold chill washes over you, you feel your face pinch like you just ate a bug and murdery thoughts fill you mind.

Yep that was me, when SHE called.

For ten years I have dealt with HER. SHE had my job many many years ago when position was just the Office Manager/Receptionist. When I started SHE was part time and SHE had no trouble telling me every day she worked that I didn’t do as much as SHE did when she had that job. Since SHE had been there longer then me I didn’t think I had the right to tell HER that SHE was right, I didn’t do as much as she did, I did twice of what SHE did because she couldn’t multi-task.

SHE left our company and for a short time I was able to live without HER evil gloom over my head and then it happened, they hired her back in a position that I had to work with everyday!  To make it worse we were each other’s backups. So every day I had to hear how I didn’t do her job or my job correctly.

Why do you ask did I take her crap? Because I didn’t feel arguing with a person with such a skewed sense of reality would help matters. If you argued with her things just got worse. Yes I miserable but I knew that one day I would be free of her and all this would be placed in that “things that made me stronger or could be used in my insanity defense” file buried deep in my brain. Besides I was able to do my job and I knew I did well even if SHE didn’t think so.

Well then the day came when she had herself one heck of a breakdown. I did feel bad for her because she could be very nice and caring when she wasn’t back stabbing you, throwing salt in the wound then covering it with an acid coated band-aid. I tried to be supportive but she was beyond that point and finally quit a month after another co-worker quit and there I was doing my job, the other co-worker’s job and HER job.

That was three years ago. No replacement for any of those folks had been hired. I have a one day a week assistant but I still do all three jobs. At times it is maddening and I have had a few breakdowns of my own but I manage because I like what I do. I like not having a person telling me I am not doing it right just people who help me make what I do better. As crazy as it sounds, it made the first seven years worth it because I am where I am supposed to be, doing what I am supposed to do. And not even a phone call from the sharp tongued poison spitting HER can change that.

If you were wondering what my response was to HER question:  

“Hey thanks for letting me help you with what you needed and ending it on such a high note. With all the work I have to do now, I won’t have time to help you if you call again. Nice talking to you.”  

The Bucket List

Before the BIG birthday this year I played around with writing down my bucket list. We all know the road to hell is paved in good intentions, so that along with one hundred other things I said I would do never happened.

First of all, this morning, I really did choke on a burrito. And as pathetic as it sounds it was one of the most terrifying things that has happened to me in a long time. I watched the world spin around me as twelve people stood watching. I think my anger is what saved me. I thought I had to get this piece of egg out of my throat so I can yell at these stupid people for letting someone nearly choke to death. So I threw myself over a chair back and screamed a few profanities before rushing out the door and crying in my car.

Now I have no choice to make a bucket list because I am getting older and I love breakfast burritos eventually age or the burritos will get me! I won’t bore anyone with the entire list just a few highlights.

Get a book published and enjoyed by many. Yes I am working on getting a book published but that doesn’t mean that people will like it!

Write for a sitcom. I like to write. I have crazy ass family and friends to draw material from. Why am I not doing this now? Probably because I am not as humorous as I sometimes think I am. BUT that won’t stop me!

Do a triathlon. I heard once you put that in writing you actually have to do it. I should probably get better at the swimming thing then! I am used to being in a pool on a float with an adult beverage in hand yelling at the kids not to splash me. Been a long time since I swam with the Navy divers! And there is that running thing! And I haven’t ridden a bike in fifteen years. But damn it I am going to do this!

Kick my son in the diaphragm.  Yes you read that right. When I was nine months pregnant with the little man he kicked me so hard that it actually tore my muscle and flesh causing a mild hernia, I still have a scar! I swore the day he was born that when his wife was about to give birth to his child, I’d kick him. I am sure this one will be taken off my list eventually for legal reasons.

Get the 1990 cast of Grease back together. I think it would kick ass to do the show again or have a great party since the 25^th anniversary of our production is less than three years away.

Lay naked across Ryan Reynolds star on the Hollywood walk of fame. Mr. Reynolds doesn’t currently have a star on the walk. If they gave them out for his ass or abs he would have had one after Blade Trinity. I am not unaware that his acting abilities are limited, I love him for his sarcasm and the physical attributes I mentioned. If he doesn’t ever get a star, I will find Ryan Gosling and tell him the Notebook sucked. Because that is on my list twice to do anyway.

The list goes on and on! I better get started!