Week seven - Living with MS

By week seven of this flare I almost feel like my symptoms are a normal part of my life. I am starting to get in a routine on how to manage most of my obstacles. This week my doctor helped me to look at ways of managing the anxiety and depression that go along with MS. She told me that I was one of the strongest women she had ever met and it was okay to ask for help. Being on my own now I feel like I have to be completely independent but there are things I just can’t do on my own. Dealing with the emotional part of the disease is one of them. I start with a new counsellor next week, one that has experience in dealing with those who have long term illnesses. I think I am on the right path so that I can keep my spirits up no matter what may happen. In the past few weeks I have felt down about things outside of this disease and I let it affect my healing. I can’t let the actions of others take away from my wellbeing. I decided to relinquish their power over me and I am a better person for it. It is funny though how people handle finding out you have MS. Last week I was set up on a coffee date with a friend of a friend. He knew my situation before we met, he saw a picture of me with her and he asked who I was and she told him about me. She only told him about the MS because of the issues with my speech and didn’t want him to be caught off guard if I was having a not so good speaking day. We met at the counter and we got our coffee then went to a table by the window. The conversation was pleasant we laughed and found we had a lot in common. About twenty five minutes into it he looks at me and says “I am going to stop right here, I just think I have time for a special needs woman in my life.” What the hell? It was just coffee and he was the one that asked me out. He then went on and acted put off like I had just stolen twenty five minutes of his life. I finally just stood up and said “I understand how you feel, I only have time for one asshole in my life right. Thanks for the coffee.”. I walked out and got into my car. It was just coffee with some guy I wasn’t going to see again anyway but still I cried as I drove to work. Here I am newly divorced after nearly twenty years already facing the unknown world of modern dating which is nothing like it was the last time I did it. Now I have the added challenge of having a disease that most people don’t know a thing about. I want to go out and meet new people, I want to enjoy the life I have while I am still able. My MS doesn’t take away from who I am or my determination to live a full life. I know there are people out there that understand and are supportive, I am surrounded by them and so grateful to all of them. But I know there are guys like Trevor who fear what they don’t know. I just need to remind myself on this crazy ride to keep a thick skin. So at week seven I stand before you thick skinned, hopeful and determined. I have MS it doesn’t have me.